Difficult emotions are hard to completely avoid.  This can be frustrating when you are experiencing something that is really emotionally painful, as often all you want is for the feeling to go away.  Sometimes this can happen, but more often the goal is to decrease the feeling a little bit or help it to feel more tolerable for you.  It isn’t the same as making the feeling go away, but it can make it feel more manageable, which in itself is a good thing and also can give you some confidence with challenging feelings, as you know that there are ways that you can take some control over what you are experiencing.

Sometimes difficult emotions can come from not being truly present in the moment.  Do you ever find yourself worrying about something in the future, or feeling upset about something that happened in the past?  Those are two ways of not being present.  There are times where it makes sense to focus on those things, but often we find ourselves thinking about them over and over again without actually feeling any better about them.  An advantage of focusing on the present is that even though your emotions might be quite intense, the present moment is usually okay.  For example, right now you are sitting in front of your computer or phone reading this blog post.  There might be things in the future or the past that do not feel okay, but in this moment those things are not happening.  Sometimes drawing your attention to what is really going on right now can help to calm your mind down, as you realize that the present moment is safe.  This is sometimes referred to as grounding.

How might you do this?  One helpful way is to use all five of your senses:  what do you see, hear, smell, taste, and physically feel in the moment?  Maybe you see the computer screen and what you have hanging on the wall of the room you are in.  Maybe you feel the chair underneath you, or your feet on the floor.  Try noticing things with as many of the five senses as you can, and notice how that does or does not change the intensity of the emotions you are feeling.

Another way is to do an activity that you can really focus on.  A good example of this is coloring with crayons. Focus not just on the coloring project itself, but what it is like to be coloring, using as many different senses as you can.  Notice the colors, how the crayons feel in your hands, how it sounds as they glide across the paper, what they smell like, etc.  Another activity could be eating something that you really enjoy.  Notice how the food looks, how it smells, how it tastes, how it feels, and any sounds that go along with eating it.

You will likely notice that even as you do this exercise, your thoughts occasionally go back to the difficult topic that you were thinking about earlier.  That is okay; it is what our minds naturally do and it doesn’t mean that what you are practicing is not working or that you are not doing it right.  Just gently bring your mind back to what you are noticing in the present.

As I often say, any tool that you find helpful even sometimes is worth adding to your coping skills “toolbox.”  Most strategies do not work all the time, so having multiple ideas to draw on can be really helpful.  The more tools you have, the more likely it is that you will find something that works for you on any given day.  

Grounding and being present is just one tool to add.  I hope that at least occasionally, it is a helpful one.