Why Thinking About a Problem is Not the Same as Problem-Solving
Most of us at least occasionally get caught up in a pattern of wanting to think things through, or to focus a lot of our mental energy on worrying about an issue that keeps coming up. While it is uncomfortable to worry, you might also notice that in some ways it also feels satisfying, because it can feel like you are working toward some type of solution or a way to feel better about what happened. But is that really the case?
“Ruminating looks quite different from actual problem-solving, and has different outcomes. ”
It can certainly feel that way, but the fact is that ruminating looks quite different from actual problem-solving, and has different outcomes. With ruminating, there is the illusion that you are getting closer to finding something that will help you feel better, but you tend to not be likely to actually get anywhere. You instead continue to think about the problem without moving forward, sort of like walking on a treadmill -- there is the feeling of movement without actually getting anywhere. With true problem-solving, you are more able to reach a solution of some sort and then move on from the issue. Rather than walking in place, you move forward and reach a destination.
When you problem-solve, you approach the situation in an organized way, and so it can often be helpful for this process to be written down. You define the problem in a clear and concise way, and then consider 2-3 possible ways to solve or improve it, and then the good and bad things about those possible ideas. After weighing all of that, you then choose one of those ideas to try, try it, and then evaluate how it went in order to determine if you are done or if you need to try another one of your possible solutions. An example might help to illustrate what this looks like:
Problem: You are having a conflict with your boss at work.
Possible solutions (and pros and cons):
Talk to your boss directly when things are quiet (addresses the issue clearly, but can be uncomfortable)
Send your boss an email (addresses the issue, a little more comfortable than face-to-face, but you might still have some discomfort)
Ignore the problem and hope it improves over time (feels comfortable in the moment, but you might continue to feel anxious about it)
Let’s say that out of the above possibilities, you decide to try emailing your boss about your concern. You do so, but find that you are still having anxiety while waiting for a response. What do you do now?
First, congratulate yourself for taking this difficult step, and remind yourself that you’ve actually already solved the problem, at least for now. Any further thinking about it, no matter how productive it may feel, is actually just overthinking that will increase your anxiety. Finally, think of a distraction that might help to take your mind off of the problem. Like other times you use distraction, this might not work 100%, but it can be more effective than allowing yourself to keep thinking about the problem.
Thinking of a phrase or two to say to yourself that conveys all of this can be helpful. For example, “Nice job problem-solving! I already decided what I am going to do, so I don’t need to think about this anymore right now even though I really want to. How about we try watching TV or thinking about something fun instead?”
As always, these steps are often easier said than done. But hopefully this outline gives you an idea of the differences between thinking something over and problem-solving. Next time we’ll talk about how to use this process when you are experiencing a problem for which there is no solution.
